Archive for December, 2005

The Chav Nativity

Margaret forwarded this email and I thought it was funny! If you don’t know what a chav is, this is one of the best definitions I’ve found. I wouldn’t have known what a chav is if I hadn’t been looking for something to watch on tv one day (lovely British television) and ended up watching a show about Burberry.

I don’t think this would offend anyone who actually reads this, so here it is:

“There’s this bird called Mary, yeah? She’s a virgin (wossat then?) She’s not married or nuffink, but she’s got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an’ that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She’s like ‘Oo ya lookin at?’

Gabriel just goes ‘You got one up the duff, you have.’ Mary’s totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large ‘Stop dissin’ me yeah! I ain’t no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!’ So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who’s six months gone herself. Liz is largin’ it. She’s filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an’ that.

She’s like ‘Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I’m well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an’ that we are gonna get.’ Mary goes ‘Yeah, s’pose you’re right’

Mary an’ Joe ain’t got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an’ go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an’ Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an’ that.
But there ain’t no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an’ Joe break an’ enter into this garridge, only it’s filled wiv animals. Cahs an’ sheep an’ that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their ‘eads. They’re like ‘Respect, bay-bee Jesus’, an’ say they’re wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: ‘If you’re so wise, wotchoo doin’ wiv this Frankenstein an’ myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?’ It’s all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an’ sez he’s got another message from this Lord geezer. He’s like ‘The police is comin an’ they’re killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.’ Joe goes ‘You must be monged if you think I’m goin’ dahn Egypt on a minging donkey’ Gabriel sez ‘Suit yerself, pal. But it’s your look out if you stay.’ So they go dahn Egypt till they’ve stopped killin the first-born an’ it’s safe an’ that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an’ Jesus turns water into Stella.”

Just got back from watching the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrove and loved it! It was a really good movie, and for the most part the special effects were pretty good. There were a few inconsistencies with the book, but I thought they did a really good job!

Now, back to work so that I can (hopefully) not think about my term papers while I’m home for Christmas! Oh, and I uploaded some photos from Tuesday night when my program went out for dinner (yay for the indian buffet) and some from watching the sun set with Melissa, Emily, and Jen a few weeks ago.  Ignore the funny facial expressions Brendan ALWAYS does for photos, and be sure to look for Filippo in the large group shot – the (almost) lone man in the middle of all of us!

And, since I very well may not post again for a while, Merry Christmas!!


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1. Virtually all the books I need are on short loan (and you can only check out four of them at a time)  A bit of a problem since I need to have about 25-30 sources for my term papers….

2. The very few books I need in the main library, which I can check out for a long time, are nonexistent.  The library’s catalogue says they exist but they are nowhere to be found on the shelves.  And the librarians don’t really seem to care…..

3. The fines are ridiculous (as are copying expenses)

4. They only have 1-2 copies of books that LOTS of people need, so I’m not the only one in a bit of a crisis.

5. It’s cold.

As you can probably tell, doing “research” for my term papers was a bit stressful today, since I could only get very little done.  I am considering just buying a lot of the books, but that could potentially get very expensive.

The good news is that I met with both of my professors today and they approved my topics and essay outline with only a few minor revisions.  This makes it even more frustrating, however, since I want to start writing but don’t have all the sources yet.  Argh…..

I went to the grocery store after my day on campus, and you could tell I was a bit stressed at the time because I came home with: salt and vinegar crisps, Weight Watchers cookies, scones, wine, chocolate mousse, and tea cakes (there were some healthy things too – don’t worry too much.  I also made it out with some oranges, apples, bananas, and veggies.)  I think I will have to put some of it out in the kitchen so that my flatmates will eat it!

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No more classes…..

So, it is officially the end of term and I am done with classes already – I can’t believe it! On one hand, it feels like I just got here, but so many things have happened that it feels like ages at the same time.  I can’t believe that in just a little over two weeks I’ll be back in the States!

Last night after our last class, a group of us went to the IDS bar (IDS = Institute of Development Studies) with Buzz, our tutor for our Anthropologists and Development class.  We actually all had a casual chat – about anthropology as a discipline, cricket, sports in general, and I discovered that she has actually been to Chapel Hill because her nephew goes to school there – small world.  Luckily the conversations we were having didn’t degenerate into less appropriate topics until after Buzz left.  And, I am now known as the “one pint wonder” according to Anna, for my lack of alcohol tolerance.
Later on, after hanging out a bit in the flat next door, I met up with a group of the ADST girls at Sumo (a kinda swanky bar just around the corner).  ONE corona was 3.10 quid – try putting that into US dollars – ack.  Luckily they were also giving out samples of free cider as well.

All in all, it was a fun evening.  And now I’m tempted to read the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe instead of working on my term paper for a bit.  I am really looking forward to seeing the movie!

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No thanks, I am pretty sure mine is big enough, but this is definitely an interesting development – a new “‘instant bottom in a box’ that will give you a behind that Jennifer Lopez would be proud of.” I thought this article was entertaining when I read it a couple of days ago.

But, it really makes you think how conceptions of women’s bodies have changed so much, and the influence that individual people can have on that conception (Marilyn Monroe, Kate Moss, Jennifer Lopez….)

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